


He didn't know.

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not Hunters, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Depressed Dean, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, I'm Sorry, John is alive, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Multi, Past Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Traumatized Dean, idek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-13 22:21:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finds Dean in a very bad state of mind. Can Dean make it through everything? Maybe if he has a little motivation.</p><p>Just typed this up because I lost internet, sorry if my updates are slow...I have a new trimester starting so I am going to be kind of busy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's blood.

That's all it is is blood.

Blood everywhere.

That God damn red everywhere.

On Sam's fingers and eyes and mouth where he laid them down and brushed shaking fingertips across his eyelids and where he laid his mouth down to feather-soft hair.

And he can't fucking breathe, he's panicking. But he can't, not right now. He snaps out of it and pulls his shaking, red hands away from two, too thin wrists, grabs a towel and focuses on the training he's had as an EMT. He wraps the wounds with the white fabric and the contrast is painfully, horrifyingly beautiful. He applies pressure. He knows there's a pulse, that's what matters right now. The pulse.

"Please hold on." He somehow utters out of his shaking mouth and frozen tongue. He grabs his phone and dials 911, they answer and he tells them he needs them. Now. Please. Please help me. And then he calms, his instincts kicking in. He tells the man on the other end the address and waits for what seems like hours.

He realizes he hasn't seen the man in front of him for months.

  
He didn't see this coming. He didn't know he would ever be in this situation.

  
He didn't know he'd find his brother bleeding out on the bathroom floor.

  
He just didn't know.

\---

They make it to the hospital after carrying Dean down the stairs of his shitty, one bedroom apartment. People were watching, gathering, and Sam just wanted to scream at them, but he didn't. Of course he didn't.

He got into his car silently and sped after the white and red flashing lights in front of him. 

He called Jess and told her what had happened while he was away - what little he knew had happened, anyways.

Later she would tell him that he sounded numb on the phone, like he didn't feel a thing.

Sam thinks that maybe she's never lost - or almost lost - somebody close to her.

He arrives at the hospital and phones his father while he waits in the emergency waiting room.

He sobs into the phone as he tells John what had happened in the past hour, he shakes with every painful word and can only whisper in harsh sentences.

But his father is there for him as he always has been. Murmuring 'It's okay, Sam.''s and 'I'll be there soon.''s

Sam hangs up the phone and stuffs it into his pocket, he sees a nurse looking at him strangely at the front desk, "What?" He asks as nicely as he can. She frowns, "Are you okay, sir?" She gestures to his hands, his face. Oh. The blood.

It's everywhere and he forgot about it. Dean's blood all over his and is he doing alright? What's going on? Will he ever see his brother breathing again?

His breathing is erratic and scary, the nurse is saying things to him and leading him to a chair but he can't get control. He dives headfirst into the black waters of his mind and crashes to the bottom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I'm really having a block writing this fic, I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Sigh

The ride to Riverside is painfully silent, Matt on his phone since they got in the car.

  
Dean remembers a name that Sam had said to him. "Who's Mr.Singer?" The man glanced up from his phone, "Oh, yes. Mr.Singer is the resident psychologist."

Dean sighed, "Great..."

  
"He's really great." Matt says, setting his phone down and looking Dean in the eyes. "Dean, this isn't a bad thing. I know you don't really want to be here but it is going to help you. You understand that, right?"

  
Dean nods for the hell of it.

  
"So...I need to borrow a few things from you." He says, voice filled with sympathy and apology.

  
But Dean already knows the drill, surprised he didn't ask earlier. He takes his shoes off and slowly unthreads the laces, placing them in Matt's waiting hand. He gives Matt his cell phone. "That's it."

  
Matt nods, "Thanks, Dean. Do you want to know the schedule at Riverside for you?"

  
Dean nods, "Why not?"

  
"Okay, so...You've got the basic morning routine, then after breakfast one on one with a nurse, me, then Singer, lunch and vitals checks, recreational therapy, visitation time, dinner, night routines, then free time and finally, lights out." Matt smiles like all listed was some gift from God.

  
Dean groans, "Thanks."

  
A few more minutes of awkward silence and they finally arrive, the building is newer, there's a tall metal gate that Dean could probably jump if he wanted to. The outside is white and modern looking. They pull into a driveway that roundabouts and Matt leads Dean out of the car.

  
They walk into the lobby, it is white inside with red accenting, there is dust on things not easily seen and Dean thinks they probably don't clean in here very well. He runs a hand across the dust just to get it off. He wipes his hand on his sweatpants carefully.

  
EATING PROBLEMS

DEPRESSION

SUICIDAL TENDANCIES

Sexual abuse

Physical abuse

Self harming

That's what he reads on the chart Matt has as they walk down a hallway, Dean smiles at the first, they wouldn't classify it as an ED because Dean likes to eat most of the time, just not sometimes. Dean would call it anorexia, though. He never really kept it all down. "You will have a roomate. His name is Castiel. Pretty great guy."

  
They stop in front of a door labeled '21' and Matt opens it, "Cas'! You've got a new roomate." Castiel groans, rolling over. "Do you know what time it is, Matt?" Matt glances at his watch. "Oh! It's around 7:00. You better be up for line up. Oh, Dean, Castiel. Castiel, Dean."

  
Dean looks at Castiel's outstretched hand, he reaches out and shakes it. "Nice to meet you." Dean mutters, Castiel nods, "You too."

  
Matt claps his hands together, "Alright, Castiel. I trust you to show Dean the ropes around here. You two have about the same schedule." Castiel nods and waves Matt off.  
Castiel goes into the bathroom, which is a blessing. One of the places Dean was in at 17, didn't even allow unsupervised showers. "So, I'm going to take a shower. I don't know if you can though."

Oh. There it is. "Okay."

Dean took a shower before they left, Sam on guard, so he doesn't really need to worry about it right now.

He sits on the bed until Castiel comes back out, newly clothed.

"Oh, shit. I should have told you where to go, sorry man." Castiel says.

Dean shrugs, "It's fine. I'd rather go with someone than myself."

Castiel nods, "So shower or no?" Dean shakes his head, "I'm assuming not."

Cas nods.


End file.
